Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
