The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
