is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
