the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize