it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
