So drunk its hurt
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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