i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
