Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
