She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize