loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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