i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
