I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
