so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
