found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
