I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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