Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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