I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
