He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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