Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
