He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
