hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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