OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
