I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
