just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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