his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
