belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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