Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
