Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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