eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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