this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
