ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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