Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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