my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
