I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize