your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
