I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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