Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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