thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
