His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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