I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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