It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
