Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
