hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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