do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
