she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
