I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
