We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
