he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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