Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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