i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
