meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need to wash the frat house off of me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
