So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he thought i was a dude.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
