you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
