you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
