Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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