at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
