had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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