I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
