Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
