I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
