Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
