I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
