Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
