I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Green mimosas i think yes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
