I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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