i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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