I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
