I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize