god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
